In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
