Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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