Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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