ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
