just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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