i just made my gag reflex go away.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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