i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
