This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
