It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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