it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
