Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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