Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize