For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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