went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
