The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
