FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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