I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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