"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
