u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
