I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've blown a few things in my day
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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