i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
