using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have aggressive nipples.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
