My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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