girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
