You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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