Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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