my mouth tastes like poor choices
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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