I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
