i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
