just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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