I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
