lets start a swedish sibling band together
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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