He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
