Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
