so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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