I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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