Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize