I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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