the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize