Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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