you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
