My first STD was from a foam party
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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