Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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