Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
