best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
