You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
