Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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