Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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