How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
