The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
