fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
