the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
