Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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