He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can you repeat that, but with context?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
