Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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