Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
