I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize