Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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