It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
