White coat. Heels.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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