I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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